WANTING TO SEE OTHERS FAIL - IS THIS WRONG?

Wanting to see others fail, and whether or not this is wrong is a question that I was recently asked to answer. It is an interesting question, and there are several components about it that are relevant to consider.

WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG ANYWAY?

I am not a strong believer in the idea of “right” or “wrong” when it comes to the realm of thoughts, feelings and desires.

The biggest question for me is: “How does it feel to think that?” In some cases, maybe it feels better than the alternative.

 For example, maybe the person you are wanting to see fail is a friend who stole a business idea from you. In this case, wanting to see them fail evokes feelings of revenge or vindication, which are more empowered, and therefore more positive feelings than feelings of defeat or being a victim.

A HABIT OF WANTING TO SEE OTHERS FAIL

However, if wanting to see others fail is a general habit, this is usually a choice of focus which is dis-empowering, and at a core level never feels very good. For most of us, we know that love and appreciation feel way better than bitterness or jealousy, and the latter emotions are often at the basis of wanting to see others fail.

Wanting to see others fail is very often based on a deep feeling that we are unable for some reason to achieve the success we want ourselves. Believing that you cannot have something you want brings really awful feelings, such as powerlessness, inadequacy or inferiority.

MOVING IN A BETTER DIRECTION

When we are experiencing really negative emotions, it is not only a natural human reaction to try and make ourselves feel better, it is actually a really positive thing. If you are feeling despair, and you can focus in a way that Abraham Hicks says “Moves you up the emotional scale,” into blame or revenge, then you are moving in the right direction.

TO KEEP MOVING IS THE KEY

The trick is though, not to stay in these feelings of revenge too long, as they are still pretty negative feelings. Instead of focusing on what someone else is doing or not doing, achieving or not achieving, try placing your attention on things that are far more beneficial to you.

One really helpful place to focus is on making the move from blame or revenge towards more empowering feelings such as hope or optimism about what is possible for you. 

a final word

If you have the tendency of wanting to see others fail, don’t beat up on yourself about it, but do think about how this perspective makes you feel, and as a result impacts the quality of your life.

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